After arriving at Rowan's and changing out of my small uncomfortable pants (post wax) and picking off bits of green stringy wax from places that green stringy wax should not be, we were in full going out form.
We were being reasonably civilised - cinema, meal, "few" drinks.......in Barnsley...... whoop
After cinema, pub - which started well. Rowan was like "oh look they have Rose wine" - it is true I am a Rose fan but it is a specific Rose. I turned my nose up and made a NO face. Which is when it all started (again).....
Rowan and Charlie generally like to mock me by calling me Posh, apparently it is because I am nicely spoken - which I am not. Anyone who really knows me will know I am very much not posh..... but these two jokers do like to constantly go on about how "posh" I am.
...and not posh, just like a specific wine..... who doesn't?
So I opted for a Pear Cider (not posh), the bar wench asked Charlie (Charlie's round) if I wanted a glass to which the reply was "Oh yeah we had better get one because she is Posh"....... great. But then they gave me a pint glass..... also not posh.
Did not drink cider quick enough before we had to go for meal so ended up necking most of it in one (I used to be able to do this quite well - pint of lager in 7 seconds, this was when I was young mind....) . Necking of pint was follow by huge belch in the street - "Hello Barnsley" I was beginning to fit in...
Lovely meal, during which Rowan introduced me to the guy in the restaurant as "her posh friend from Harrogate", so for the rest of the evening he kept coming over asking if "the posh lady from Harrogate" was having a nice time........
So at some point during the meal I went for a wee, not that unusual I know. Came back and Rowan had my phone in her hand and was laughing...... Oh.my.lord...... what has she done? Truth be told, I knew exactly what she had done..... she had sent Mr Nice a text message....
The message went as follows: "Rowan and Charlie have learnt a new term tonight - husband bulge - they would like to know if you get one when you see me and if you have one now can you send a pic pls xx"
Brilliant. There was no reply from Mr Nice, claims the battery had gone on his phone and he did not notice as he was tiling the kitchen floor..... I will let you decide if that was really the case.... after all, he knew I was out drinking and we all know mobile phones and drinking should be banned....
"Husband Bulge" - if you have seen Cabin in the Woods you will know this reference. If not, you will probably work out what it is and to be honest, it is a brilliant term!!
We went back to the pub post dinner and had a jug of cocktail........ each. I saved on washing up and drank mine out of the jug with a straw (glasses = over rated) - I was really fitting in at this point....
I did have that moment in the night when I woke up and knew I had been drinking cocktails if that resonates with any of you...... spent most of the afternoon lolling on the sofa.....bring on the next one
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