G Force

I am beginning to understand that all of the men in my life are just irritating, and yet, still we go back for more.  The 'man' I am referring to in this post is Willow.  Willow is the hamster.  Yes I know..... hear me out....


Willow was actually supposed to be a fish.  I had had a brilliant idea a while back that Little D may benefit from having something that she could look to take some responsibility for and thought when she was starting school that a fish would be a good idea  - I am going to break off here for a bit as I suspect that most other parents have at some point fallen into this trap before.  I have certainly been advised not to go down the pet route and yet somehow I chose to ignore this and thought I knew better.  Any parents out there who don't yet have a pet, heed this warning...... don't.


Little D and I discussed said fish and she was all up for it, so off we went to the pet shop.  First mistake.  Pet shops don't just sell fish do they?  Second mistake was mummy fail, research had not taken place and what I had not realised was that apparently now (although I am sure it was not like this when I was small and we had fish) you have to buy the tank and set it up for two days before you can add fish.  Well this was never going to work was it.  Rather unsurprisingly Little D was not particularly taken with the idea of going to get a fish and coming back with an empty tank.  How do you explain this to a four year old?  How do you explain this to a four year old who is now distracted by the other furry animals, which lets face it, look much cuter than a non existent fish....


So by demonstrating some great parenting discipline we ended up coming back with Willow.  I maintain it could have been worse.


For a number of months Willow was fine, easy to look after, a big hit and Little D adores him.  I now realise he was in fact conning us all this time and he was in the process of implementing his action plan.


The first issue was not entirely Willow's fault but collusion I suspect between him and Annabel (Annabel is the rabbit. A house rabbit.  Yes, we then got a rabbit.  I would like to plead insanity on the account that Toss Pot had left and I had temporarily - debatable - lost my mind).  Annabel knocked Willow's house on the floor and had loosened one of the tunnels so one afternoon Willow made a break for it.  Took me a while to realise he was MIA and I spent most of the day trying to look for him without actually drawing it to the attention of Little D.  Did locate him that evening after much muting of the TV as I knew I could hear him somewhere.  So he was back and safely deposited in his repaired house.


And then came issue number two..... I was suddenly aware that there was a lot of noisy gnawing coming from Willow's direction, far more than normal.  Upon investigation he had eaten through the wall of his house.  He was in effect digging an escape tunnel.  Surely, they are not supposed to be able to eat their way out of their houses?  I had to tape up the hole with some cardboard - I do see the flaw in this plan, in that if he can eat through his house what is cardboard going to do?  but I was short of options.


So 3 days and £25 later, new house purchased.  Different style of house to try and prevent eating through the house.  New house is a type of rota stack where you connect bits with tubes and tunnels.  If you don't have a tube or tunnel you have a round plug that you put in the hole and twist to lock. Simples.  New house big hit and very secure for a couple of weeks.


One night am in bed and wake up at around 4am to some strange noises.  Tried to ignore these as I thought I was probably in dream like state.  No.  Noises did not stop.  OMG there is something in my bedroom.  THERE IS SOMETHING CHEWING AND SCRABBLING IN MY BEDROOM.  What if it is a mouse or a rat (don't ask me where the rat would come from).  I need to turn the light on to find out, but what if it is a rat, what do I then do. Fuck.  OK, be brave.  Turned the light on and guess what, Willow did a bolt across the bedroom.  Really?  How on earth?  


So I lost him, but at least I knew what it was.  I went down to investigate how on earth he has escaped this time.  So you remember those plugs that you put in the hole and twist to lock??  Well, it appears over a number of days he had been working one loose and had somehow twisted it to unlock and then made a break for it.  Not only that, he had navigated himself down the side of the rabbit cage (his house is on top of Annabel's) and then climbed upstairs to wake me up.


Knowing it was Willow did at least mean that I was able to go back to sleep.  It took four days and a war of attrition before I managed to get him back.  I left food and his house out over night, in the morning the food was gone but the house was empty (definitely a piss taker), I had to barricade my bedroom door shut at night to stop him coming in (I know he is a hamster but the door does not close properly so he can get in).  At one point I had visions of him being one of the actual characters from G Force and running around in night vision goggles and a utility belt..


Anyone one night, I heard him (it was about 1 am), I jumped out of bed and managed to corner him in the spare room, I chased about after him in my pants for a bit and then thought better of it.  I shut him in the spare room and retrieved his house and food and left them in the spare room with him.  I was really shocked in the morning to find he had gone to sleep in his house......


....I win...... it is a small victory...... but it is my victory and I will continue to feel smug, until the next time.


Incidently, the round plug things, sellotaped on now.......  lets see what he comes up with next....