Rules

I spoke to Mr Nice today, advised him that the blog was enquiring after him and my subsequent response.  Rather amazingly he did not seem to have any concerns about me blogging about him - see......... nice...........


Part of our discussion today - which we did laugh over - was the whole following the dating "rules" thing.  I think there are rules.  I cannot claim to know what many of them actually are, I like to think I know what some of them are, but suspect I have made them up.


One of the ones I follow for example is that unless I have something specific to ask, I will not text first.  Happy to reply and engage in chit chat, very much want to engage in chit chat, in fact, most put out when chit chat does not happen but..... will NOT text first..... Is this an actual rule?  Surely it can't be because when you look at it logically, if everyone followed this rule then no-one would ever text anyone except to ask what time tea was..... I possibly may want to reconsider this one....


I mention this because it was a "thing" this week.  Mr Nice has what we will call "Cave moments" (I bet he is regretting the permission thing now).  In that when he is very busy, the thing that he is very busy with gets all his focus.  This is a very good thing, but also a very bad thing - it means he cannot multi-task.  Arguably, he is a man and therefore multi-tasking would potentially not be on the agenda anyway but hey........


So busy busy man...... does not text Phantom.  Phantom does not next busy busy man (see rule above).  Almost 48 hours into this war of attrition, I then start having this inner monologue  - now, at this point, I suspect 90% of women reading this will be nodding and agreeing with me and all you men will be just shaking your heads in despair (I know this as it is in part how the conversation went with Mr Nice, his response was something along the lines of women being funny creatures)....


...so, the inner monologue, kind of bounced around like this:
He is busy, you know this
He has not text
Should I text
No you should not be the first person to text
He will get irritated
Maybe he is not OK and I should text
What if I create a reason to text to make it look like I have a purpose
He does not like me
He is busy
If he did not like you he would just tell you, you know this
What if he is in the hospital


I could go on but I think you get the idea....... and I would like to reassure men out there that this is not just me, I am not some total lunatic....I have scientific evidence to support this as follows:


Exhibit A:


Bridget Jones - we have all seen this.  The reason this film was such a hit is that in some way it rings true with all women.  They made an entire film about a neurotic woman in her 30s, disastrous in relationships, drinks too much and the whole film is based almost absolutely around her inner monologue.....


Exhibit B:


"Woman who think too much" - This is a book which someone bought me a few years ago (so before all this dating saga even became an issue, although perhaps given the events in my marriage I should have read it sooner).  They have written a whole book about women, over thinking and inner monologues.  They would not write a whole book just for me....


Exhibit C:


Someone I know has been with their other half for 40 years, married for most of that time and has three grown up children.  She recently said to me, she does not text her husband during the day when he is at work in case he thinks she is stalking him............ I know........ pause and read that again....... even I laughed at that one.......


But you see the point.....


Inner monologues are notoriously negative, nasty little buggers really.  I have decided in future to dowse mine with wine to try and improve its mood......


I think the inner monologue generally only causes issues in the early stages of anything, the need to be enticing I think, once we get comfortable the inner monologue focuses on something else... I think