OK so the blog is generally full of amusing antic dotes about the builder and his various activities but sometimes, as funny as they are, they become over shadowed by the other side of life. The side which when it happens feels pretty shit but it needs to happen in order to appreciate the good times.
This weekend was definitely one of those.... since toss pot left there have been no tears and no tantrums but I think come Saturday morning I had hit a brick wall and the tears came and would not stop for hours.
As usual, with any of these situations it is the smallest of small things which actually tip you over the edge. You have been balancing precariously for a while but managing to hang on and then something ridiculous - like the rabbit unplugging the amplifier so the TV goes off, for example - for the world to come crashing in on you.
There has undoubtedly been a build up to the crash on Saturday but then, the weekend itself brought a ton of horse poo with it....
In brief, it is tough (and this is not a woe is me tale), toss pot shoved off three months ago and since then it has been a constant race of work, school, child care and activities, house etc. My job is not anything special but is quite demanding and requires I work additional hours and sometimes travel, which means sourcing child care and working around things.
Toss pot is a good father - I will never take that away from him - but at the moment we are split 75%/25% on the child care - 75% is with me. I get very little in terms of financial support and I have to sort all the logistics and medical issues. It is half term next week (seriously, I could not believe this, they have only just gone back to school) and so a whole new set of logistical issues have presented themselves.
I am trying to work out how to juggle the finances, including the remortgage into my name and the "good" debt which I took as a trade off to keep the house....
So Saturday morning - not good.
And then, after the potentially suicidal start to the weekend, it got a bit better. Toss pot and I talked and he is happy to try and to more to put some balance back and then coffee and cake with a good friends brings it all back to perspective and then...... just because, I was clearly not entitled to any good news without bad this weekend....
Little D woke in the night screaming in pain and rolling around, she is very much like me in that when she is in pain she cannot be touched or comforted. I knew instantly what it was, she has had it before. Threadworm, probably from some dirty child at school with a dog.
9pm on a Saturday night, what can you do? I rang toss pot - something that I NEVER do - and he was in Leeds, I did give him a right earful about it and he came back but just missed the chemist. He managed to help me calm Little D down and two hours after she had woken up she went back to sleep. Whilst I was trying to console her when he was on his way back, I became aware that she was scratching her head A LOT. Fuck. Nits as well, brilliant, where the hell has this child been?
Toss pot came back this morning, having been to the chemist first thing with worm medicine and nit stuff. It took both of us 2.5 hours to convince Little D to take the medicine (mixed in with some Haribo) and apply the nit stuff to wash her hair - to say she was a bit resistant would be an understatement.
So I am combing the nit stuff through her hair and oh my life, I have never seen so many, it was just awful. I was so totally appalled. She definitely had not got them earlier in the week (when you have a child of school age you nit check on a regular basis) but she was absolutely rife with them.... it was horrible.
She is OK now - nit wise, but eugh
Toss pot and I worked together quite well and I was quite proud of us but, something was coming, and I knew it was, I had suspected for a while but I needed to hear it.
Toss pot is seeing someone else. Someone I know of. Someone from work..... apparently been going on for the last month or so, adamant it was not going on before he left. I am inclined to believe at least some of this, I can usually tell when he is lying, I am just not going to over think it... one of us was bound to get there first.
And so, it would seem that it is done.
How do I feel about this? You know, surprisingly OK, like I said, I knew. Had done for a while. The emotional pull I had towards him has long since disappeared. Little D is all that matters now.
Little D who is now screaming again as she has woken up in more terrible pain.... the meds will kick in in a couple of days, for now, we sit it out. I was going to do some work tonight but opted for wine and Ashley Banjo instead......
I do have some builder news (we cannot have a blog update without any), he is not well, did call in yesterday for about five minutes. I think instantly identified that I was not having a great day and so entertained Little D for a bit and then left. Except that when he knocked on the door I was cuddling the rabbit, you can imagine where she was nestled.... and Bert just swooped in for a stroke (of the rabbit), we are definitely having personal space issues. Although maybe now he has seen me on a "bad" day it might put him off...... nothing else seems to..... lol
I promise, the next update will be of a more positive nature.....
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